I wanted to update some of you on my friend Jennifer that I had written about lately. Her condition has improved a lot. Now, she still has a brain tumor that is terminal. But, just as far as her alertness and all of that, she is so much better. When i saw her, she was just post-op from her surgery, so as her body was fighting brain cancer, it was also healing from brain surgery. No wonder she wasn't really with it and was sleeping a ton! Now she is able to walk around the house with out the wheel chair and is much more conversational. She was actually getting quite frustrated that she couldn't hear and started asking questions like, "Why can't I hear? Why can't i go back to work? Why am I sleeping in a hospital bed and not my own bed?" So the Jones's decided that they had to tell her what was going on. Because Jen can't hear, they typed out a letter to her explaining what was going on. The whole family sat down and worked on this letter. They gave it to her and she read it and just went to bed, like no big deal. The next day they gave it to her again and she read it again. Then they asked if she understood, and she said, "yes". This was as far in that story as my mom had heard, so when she went over to see Jen after Jen got the letter, she didn't know what to expect. When she walked in Jen said, "Mindy, I'm dying" and my mom, ever the wise, said, "Sweetie, we're all dying." I love that. So true. Although Doctors have given her a time frame for how long she may live, none of us is ever guaranteed tomorrow. So then my mom got Jen's dry erase board and wrote, " We love having you here with us, but Jesus and Ray (Jen's grandad who passed away in November, who was her bff) will love having you with them in Heaven." And Jen responded with, "I know!!! I'm not afraid!" I am just amazed by that. I don't know how you look death in the face and announce, "I'm not afraid!". My mom went on to tell me that Jen had prayed at a meal since she got her letter and her prayer was, "Lord, I'm ready for you when you're ready for me..."
This just explains Jen's faith. Having watched them walk through this had made me really look at my own mortality. As someone who struggles with anxiety and phobias, this is a hard thing for me to really do. My mind tends to panic, literally, when faced with the reality of death and dying. I have just continued to see that a.Its ok to be scared. We have a God that wipes away our tears and takes away our fears with the strength of His love. B. We know that in our journey, we are never alone. In the darkness of the night, He is with us. We know he will not ever leave us in our darkest moments.
Its good for me think about that. Honestly, it stirs my soul to worship. Just to proclaim faith in the one who gives life. Anyway, sorry that I haven't really blogged much about health and all of that, but this is just what is so strongly on my mind!
Andrew and I have been going through this puritan prayer book called "The Valley of Vision." It is filled with the most beautiful prayers... and we read one last night that just rocked my soul . I don't have it in front of me right now, but I am going to share it with you guys. If you are looking for new way to pray, pick up this book!