Friday, January 14, 2011

secret's secret's are no fun...

Happy friday! So excited for my weekend! I get to leave work a little early today and am going to meet one of my favorite friends, Melissa Carter, for lunch at Taco Deli. The first pic is a pic of us there last spring with Lissa Scott and Alex Guilbeau! It is an amazing local taco shop. I love it because they have super healthy options. My fave taco is called Portobello frontera fundida. I get it on a wheat tortilla and it has grilled portobello, Onions and green peppers in it. I add guacamole to it and get a side of black beans. It is so good and good for you. They also have DELICIOUS mole'. But i think mole has added sugar and just overall extra i'm going to pass on it today :). Then Im off to get my hair cut. Thank God. I'm am lookin' a mess. Anyway, fun friday!
I spent some time yesterday with another one of my favorite friends, Kaimey Ela. That is a pic of us at a wedding in 2007. I was also pretty slim then. At least I have evidence! Ha. Anyway, Kaimey and I were in the same college ministry when we went to Tech and then we worked together at Westlake Hills Pres. She is fun, funny, and amazing mom to her twins, amazing wife to Scott and loves loves Jesus. I love spending time with her. We were talking about my journey and I shared something with her that I was kind of afraid to share, but from her reaction, I thought it would be beneficial to share it with you here goes...
I am a secret eater. Not always. But it is a dirty little habit that I have had on and off through out my life. I would eat secretly in high school all the time. I was basically half bulimic. Would binge, but not purge. Once I got on weight watchers in 2003, I stopped. Mostly because on weight watchers you can have anything, you just have to be accountable to it. So if I wanted a doughnut, I had it and counted it. No big deal. Well, somehow, over the past year or so, I have began secret eating. I don't even know who I was hiding it from. My husband wouldn't care...But really I think I was so ashamed by it that I would hide it from me. If no one knew, it didn't happen. Well, I hadn't really had a secret eating issue in a few weeks until recently. On wednesday night my friend had made some muffins. She had told me she was making them and didn't want me to feel tempted. Well, I was, so I had one bite. And I mean bite. It was tiny. But it set something off in me. I became this monster that wanted 100 muffins! After I left, I needed to go to the store and basically decided I was going to get something bad and eat it in secret. I ended up buying a thing of krispy kreme doughnut holes. I paid for them and got home. I went to the bathroom first and while I was sitting there( sorry if this is tmi) decided to talk to God about this. Here is what I said, " Lord, I know this is not what I should be doing. I know that I am going to only feel shame after I eat all of those. Help me..." and here is what I heard the Lord whisper to my heart. " Whitney, in me you are free. There are no secrets and there is no shame. If you want a doughnut hole, by all means, have one. You are free to have it. Then throw the rest of them away. You have the power here. Not the food. Enjoy one and then let them go." So I did. I had one then threw the rest away. Because I know I am a little piggy, I went ahead and ruined them in the trash can by squeezing ranch dressing all over them so I wouldn't go pick them out later. Anyway, I know this concept may seem so weird to some of you. But for me, it was freeing and I think when we live in the light, there is freedom. Kaimey was very encouraging to me as I shared this with her. So I decided to share it with you. I invite you to live in the light today! You are free. There are no secrets and there is no shame. Live in the light, live free.


  1. Hey, 
    Thanks for your post today.  With every post, I feel healing coming to me.  This one was especially moving.  I too have secretly eat, like late at night or a stop for a snack or extra meal. Anyway, i was encouraged by remembering that the shame is gone.  Shame is a killer with new habits, especially health & weight loss.  I feel shame around these things a lot.  But in Christ we are free.  Thanks Whit, your blog is doing this hombre some good!

  2. Hello Whitney,

    It's been so long since i have talked with you, but i tend to facebook stock you often(because i think you're so cool). I noticed your blog and thought the title sounded I read all your posts! Thank you for being so open and real about what you are going through! it is so freeing to see that there are others battleing the issues I battle!

    I think many people have a hard time when i say this, but i am a fat girl stuck in a little body...I over eat and indulge way too much! it's just so freeing to see how Christ gives you strength in your Journey as well as all of ours when we open ourselves up to that.

    You are amazing! I have suggested to one of my friends that she follow your just letting you know...

    Thanks for being so real!

    love, sarah "prose" liebel

  3. I am a secret eater too and have been since middle school. I used to sneak to the kitchen on the weekends and sneak food back to my bedroom to eat. All different kinds of food - a handfull of chocolate chips or cheez-its, a few slices off a block of sharp cheddar cheese, several marshmallows, etc. I did it back then because I liked these foods and felt if I asked if I could have them I would be told no. I used to do it in moderation, just to satisfy whatever craving I was having, but it morphed into a bigger problem as I got older. If I was home alone, I would make and entire box of maccaroni and cheese for dinner and eat it all because no one would ever know about it. Sometimes when Ross and I are watching TV, I'll get up to go to the restroom and on my way back I'll sneak in the kitchen and eat a spoonfull of peanut butter, a handful of chips, a few bites of leftover porkchops, etc. Whatever I feel like I want at the moment that I don't want him to judge me for eating, even though he doesn't judge me for eating these things. I have a special love for food that I feel he doesn't understand and I have to hide from him. This is not healthy! I need to get over it.